.Dont start with Me.
.you wont win.
31.8.05
everything is okay in the end. if its not okay, its not the end.
i know it will be. arrggghhh. i need a break. take a step back. meditate. whatever. i need to clear my mind and get emotions out of the way before i make any decisions.
God bless everyone.
.ruffles off.
27.8.05
woohoooo!! its the weekend again!!! aaahhhhhh, finally can wake up at a later time. yawns. woke up at 11am to a beautiful morning today and lazed about on my bed. heh. havent been doing that for a long time already. life had been quite hectic, having to rush for this and that, here and there, barely had any time to stay home and bum about. switched on my radio and decided to read a book. hahaaa. was reading till about 1pm then qian called and asked me to go for this spook show organized by a church. can't rem what church it was, but i went anyways, and i'm glad i did.
got there at about 2 plus and saw that michelle, her bf and kaiqing was there too. qian had called her tkd friend and her sis along too. went into the hall and whooaaaaa, the atmostphere shocked me. lil stella was kinda spooked at first. the place was damn crowded and we had some difficulties looking for seats, but we all still sat together in the end.
the show was like some magic show, showing tricks of deception. showing 'dark magic', ghosts, spirits and stuffs. well anyways, the purpose of the show was to show us what is fear and the truth about the dark side. we fear the unknown, we fear the dark side, we fear whatever we can't control. but why should we fear when we have a God greater than anything and anybody else. its amazing how God NEVER give up on us no matter what happens. He never gave up on me no matter how much i drifted away from Him. My life alway changes whenever God decides to speak to me, whenever He makes an effort to call me to go back to Him, basically because He loves me. and His love for us is beyond description, no words can descibe how it feels to be so loved. only He can provide us the real LOVE. the love that is felt, not seen nor touched or smelt. the love that i missed which was why i was feeling lost. His love basically fills up entire emptiness inside. His love guides me, His love shows me the way, His love is the light that gives me answers to my questions, and guides me through. He takes away all the sadness, the confusion, all because he loves me. Without the love from God, i wouldnt have been able to experience what true friendship is. QTMK wouldnt be so special. because of His love, my friends live with a loving heart that is sincere, pure and true.
since coming to poly, friends had been so different because many dont believe that anybody can be true and sincere. nobody thinks that its possible to have a friend who truely cares. nobody trusts anybody to the max. theres always doubt between friends. people always want to compare, to compete, to win. people dont wanna open up because they feel vunerable, they dont trust that others would not disappoint them, they would rather depend on themselves. that is like so wrong. no man is an island. where is the love? you can only care when you truly love. you can only be true only when you let pple access to the you that you were made to be. theres no need for masks, theres no need to doubt, theres no need to compete. just give your all and be yourself, theres no need for control when you understand how it feels to love. don't say i'm possessed or anything. i'm blogging all these because i just wanna share how real God's love is. you wouldnt understand how lovely true friendships are because you've not yet experienced God's love. the love that is PURE. so dont doubt it. its real. =)
.ruffles off.
24.8.05
had a really busy day today. barely had any time to take a break. was doing mobile selling around SDN and SEG blocks after collecting all the order forms from the MSC outlets. SDN block is really cool and comfy. even the toilets are unique. lolx. the rest of the other schools were pretty normal. after all the exploring, it feels good to be back at SBM no matter how lok kok it is. hahaa. heh. but all the walking is really killing our feet, my heels are still hurting till now. and i think i walked stood too much, i've got rheumatism on my knee today. sighs. then rushed off to the access lab with shihui to do our mmd project. this mmd project is making everyone all so pek chek. including myself. i wasn't able to concentrate much either, and i felt so sleepy. its crazy trying to figure out flash 5. roar. and i still have 2 storyboards to do. i'm so dead. i seriously dont have any ideas at all, i can't seem to think of anything man. hais. and i just remembered i still need to do my own personal selling, i forgot to help weiping's cousin order his mooncakes because i was too busy with festive stuffs. theres like a hundred and one things to do, and time is running out for everything. aaaarrrgggg. and its only the 3rd day of this stopover. i'm damn sleepy right now. gotta rush to school again tomorrow morning like usual, especially with shihui, she's crazy!! we were walking so fast that we ended up running, but we were still 2 mins late. sadded. anyways, shall go zzz now already. tata~
.ruffles off.
23.8.05
its my 2nd day in festive. we took over a mooncake event that the previous batch were organizing, and oh boy, we had to go around the entire nyp to push our sales but we still can't hit our target. sadded. they said never in history they couldnt hit their targets, i hope we wouldnt be the first to create history.. not especially if this is our first event!!! heh, but we're really tired from all the walking since yesterday, our feet is aching like mad!!!! we went door-to-door mobile selling at the SBM and SEG blocks, tomorrow we're going SIT and corporate blocks to do mobile selling. and oh yeah!! weiping's cuzzie bought 3 boxes from me!! have to thank weiping. hahaaa.
anyways, went to my cuzzie's baby 1 month old celebration last saturday. awwww, so cute!!!! she loves to smile and another of my cuzzie took a pic of her smiling. awwwwww.. babies are adorable when they're not bawling. hahaaa. but she's really cuteeeee. sighs, all my cousins are getting married, and starting a family already. left only about 3 or 4 of us. and since i'm the youngest, i suppose my wedding would be the last of my 'generation', then it'll be my niece and nepehew's ones already. haaaa. but thats like still a long way to go. lolx.
then went weiping's birthday chalet at pasir ris on sunday. whoaaa, that chalet bungalow is like so huge and beautiful. and guess what, it costs about only $25 per night!!!!!! can you belive it!?!? although they charge you for the electricity and water used, but its still worth it no matter what. but i suppose its quite difficult to get, unless you have connections in the civil army i think.
oh wells, i wished 2e could hold a chalet there. it'll be perfect. i miss our chalets, i miss the night walks, i miss the chats we had. we would all gather in a bigger room at night, find a nice and comfortable spot either on the bed or on the mattress on the floor, swtich off the lights and just talk abt stupid stuffs, and then fall asleep after that. hahaaa.
yeah.. those were the days. haahaa. anyways, i'm so tired from all the walking and selling. went to start on my multimedia proj with shihui and lishi today after school. the access lab is like filled with TEP students man. and i spent 2 hrs plus doing 3 secs of flash using the stupid flash version 5!!!!!! can you believe how kuku our sch is. i was taught using flash MX version 7, and i'm supposed to use version 5 to do my proj. hais. i'm just so not used to it. the functions are damn stone aged compared to version 7. i spent most of the time figuring out where is what. sighs, i'm just a com idiot. oh wells, just 2 more weeks before i'm off to enjoy myself. hahaaa. take care peeps. nites.
.ruffles off.
19.8.05
sighs.
what can i say? i've finally gotten my answers. i've been doubting all along, wondering what went wrong, wondering where does the problem lie. and i shouldnt have doubted myself. i should have known that if i can't even trust myself, i can't trust others. this is where it went wrong. i shouldnt have given you the benefit of doubt even. i ended up confusing myself. i did my best and i tried but you failed me. i tried to understand and accept, but all along i was the only one trying. you didnt have the intention of making things work, you only seemed like you did. two faced attention seeker. i hate to describe you as that, but its such a perfect fitting description of you. this is so sad. whatever. now i know, and i've learnt. and theres still more that i need to learn. i dont know why, but i just need to mention fmss's motto - 'pure and honest'. i can't say i've been truely pure and totally honest. and i dont expect others to be. but at least, be pure and honest to youself as an individual. dont expect others to love you if you dont love yourself enough. dont expect others to be true to you if you arent true to others. maybe i should be thanking you, its a lesson learnt for me.
all i can say is, believe it or not, i've been true. but it doesnt matter anymore. there are other people who deserves my attention. and i hope i wont meet anyone else like you again. coz you wasted enough of my time. you lead your life, i lead mine. zheng liang asked me if i would regret. i told him i thought about it before and i'm still thinking. this is a question i havent found an answer to. maybe in the future, i dont know. but since God is in control, i'll leave it to him to handle. and i know, He'll let me know the answers one day.
anyways, i miss qian, tracy and kimmy dear. at least qian and tracy is blogging, so at least i have some inkling of what is going in their lives, but kimmy!!! where are you?!?!? where have you been??? you've like disappeared????? i know you do read my blog, and i'm telling you i miss you okay! stupid girl, call me when you're free can??? you're always so busy. i miss your huggies so so so much. qian and tracy!! i've not seen you for quite some time too!!!!! my dear qian, i've read your blog and you dont seem happy at all even though life's pretty good. i think i can quite understand how you feel. all i can say is, be the person you've always been. if you feel weird and unsure, just know that God is in control, and do what you feel is right. and meet up with me more often. hahaaa. i missed you. tracy, you're like so busy with school and everything, lets go out soon and catch a movie or something k??? sighs, life is just so different without you guys by my side.
.ruffles off.
17.8.05
heh. its been such such such a busy week. especially today coz all my team members who got into msc outlets went for handover trainings. its just me, desmond and puilin left till the end of this week in the team. anyways, its mine and yingying's turn to do admin this week, and yingying's gone for her msc handover training till the end of this week, so i have to do the admin stuffs alone. and oh yeah!! we're gonna start our new stopover next week already!! =) hm.... should i consider myself lucky to get into festive?? coz theres only 5 people in festive and we don't need to wear the horrible uniform. hahaa.. and 4 out of 5 people in festive are from my centre right now. hahaaa.
theres so much to be done this week. everyone's like so busy, busier than ever. the msc people has to count their stocks, people doing cliental projects have to make sure that they finish what they've started or else round off nicely for the next team to take over, and people in centres like me have to make sure that the next team can take over without confusion, so we have to do everything nicely and round everything up ASAP. but i suppose my centre's quite ready for the next batch of people to take over, except that everyone's got a little busier with so many things to take note of. even admin work has gotten heavier to take care of because everyone's rushing through stuffs, and taking attendance can be quite a chore because sometimes we're stucked between teachers and students, especially if it has anything to do with lateness. i ended up spending half a day literally to complete a simple summary report because i kept getting interrupted. time passes really fast, but its kinda boring because the usual peeps like christine, ying ying and jiahui aren't around to talk and play around with me. hahaaa. although the school has unblocked msn, but the computers are missing some stuffs so we can't download msn. the only way to access msn is through a shared folder some kind souls copied into, but the prob is that the shared folder is always unaccessible because everyone is accessing it and only about 10 people or so can access it at one time?? but i think i wouldnt have been able to complete my report if i had access to msn. lolx.
finally school ended at 6pm, and i waited for shihui to be done with her closing as usual, then we went mac to sit and chat. lolx. saw jason from fmss. oh my, i was shocked to see him there. i know its not like only i can be seen in nyp or anything, but its just so unusual to see any familar fairsian's faces around. i did a double take when i saw him sitting at the fastfood canteen. nyp and fairfield just dont mix somehow. i'm not used to seeing a familar face in fmss sitting in a different kind of familar place like nyp. hahaaaa. whatever. but i just miss fmss. 6d, 2d and qtmk.
well anyways, me and shihui chatted about everything under the sun. i think she would be the one who knows me best in nyp after spending so much time with her =) the best thing is we're of the same frequency. hahaaa. seriously i think others would probably think we're mad and not understand anything if they listened our conversations, but because we could understand each other's situation, its easy for us to communicate and understand each other's views.
i'm so sleepy right now already, and i still have to wake up ultra early tomorrow because i'm holding the keys and i can't be late. else i'll be so dead. so i'm counting on yingying's morning call and my hp's alarm to wake me up. nites.
.ruffles off.
12.8.05
whoaaa, its been such a tiring day. jed called in the morning and told me he'll be joining us on the china trip with his girlfriend!!! its less than a month away, i don't know if i'm feeling excited or not. hahaaa, just neutral. lolx.
anyways, i got into festive for the next stopover. i suppose only my polymates would know what i'm talking about. lolx. yay!! this means that TEP would be over very very soon!!! then we'll be studying for exams in the blink of an eye, then we'll graduate from poly in less than 2 years time. hahaaa.. time flies. life is gonna get tougher, but somehow i just can't wait to grow old. hahaaa... weird huh?
heh heh, maybe i'm just too tired. went to work at 12:30pm, bought lunch for florence on the way then she left after lunch to teach her private students, leaving me, boss, najif and reyner in the shop. afternoon was rather quiet, tho i did managed to sell a guitar plus other usual stuffs. jeremy came in the evening and i borrowed his lappy to do my proj. then he bought dinner up, and oh my, i spent like nearly 2 hours to have my dinner coz there were just so many customers to serve. then finally we closed shop at 9:30pm. then i rushed over to the condo beside my house to teach a private student. heh. so i'm feeling quite sleepy right now. hahaaa.
anyways, my dearest poly classmates went bugis to celebrate zhihong's birthday yesterday night. aaaaahhh, make me so jealous, how i wished i was there with them too =( sighs. anyways, they bought him a wallet with a condom inside. lolx. i can imagine the look on his face man. lolx. zhihong, you very xin fu hor, 5 girls celebrate birthday for you. hahaaa. that stupid karkit. duno where is he man, abandoned us already. hais hais hais.
and i'll be off to work in the morning again tomorrow~ tata nites.
.ruffles off.
10.8.05
today's only wednesday!!!! tomorrow's thursday. supposed to meet qian tomorrow to visit blen, but we can't seem to work out a time. so i supposed its cancelled. was supposed to go climbing with aliff and some other tkd peeps yesterday, but i had to work, so i didnt join them. tomorrow we're celebrating zhihong's birthday but i can't go coz i need to teach tomorrow evening. aaaaaaahhhh.. so wasted. i miss them so much. i miss those days when we had classes, when we meet at the atrium everyday before we go for lectures, for tutorials.. those breaks that we had... going everywhere together, play pool, go amk central, we even caught a movie during a break before and had to rush like mad before accounts tutorial!! the 8 of us. awwww, now TEP kinda seperated us. how i wish TEP would end soon, so we can go back to our normal lives. but i know i'll miss TEP when next sem starts. hahaaa.. how contradicting. lolx.
anyways, i'm practically spending my hols in MC working. so no life, hahaa. but its my best chance to earn as much as i can coz i'm ultra broke this month with so many birthdays and i need to save for the china trip =) well, i have to choose right?? either work or stick to my old plans and spend even more money. sighs, since its such a good chance for me to earn as much as i can, i'll just have to sacrifice other things. heheee, so no regrets! lolx. anyways working in MC can be a joy at times, coz its a place i'm familiar with, people that i'm familar with. the only downside is when the ah-bengs there come and disturb, ask for number and hang around outside the shop. i really dunno where to hide my face. i can't leave the counter and hide in the room coz nobody's else is in the shop. they just make me feel so uncomfortable. at times like this, having mr cheah for company isnt a bad thing afterall. hahaaa. anyways, i'm going to work again tomorrow. its been a really busy day today, doing all the admin stuffs!!! arrrrggg.. for once i feel so organized and not forgetful. hahaaa. i'm surprised that i was still in a good mood after serving so many customers at once, after signing up one student after another, after changing all the timeslots. whoa. i really dont have time to take a breather. haha. but its okay, beats having nothing to do. and it takes my mind away from him. lolx. hais. i always feel a pang whenever i think of him. sighs. whatever. my life is good. i miss qtk, i miss my polymates, theres so many things to be done, so little time!! life goes on =)
.ruffles off.
9.8.05
2nd day of my block leave and i suppose its pretty well spent?? woke up super early yesterday and went school for a while to settle some stuffs. went home, and got ready to go JB with my parents. walk walk, shop shop, bought a lot of things, all paid by my dad. heheee. had a great day, but i was dead beat when i came back so i didn't blog. then then.... woke up at about 11am today and then went MC to work =) boss left in the afternoon, so i was alone in the shop today, then najif and reyner came by in the evening but they left a short while later after getting me dinner. sales was quite bad today coz i think most people stayed home and watched tv.
anyways, was watching the parade in MC and i could remember those days we had in 2001 with qian, tracy and kimmy dear. dearies do you still remember all the rehersals every saturday, those kfc meals we had, the errrr.... supposedly 'cute' marshalls -ah tiong and ah something, cant remember. and the NPCC officer tracy kept gushing about, our own GB officers.. the one we nicknamed 'mad dog'(btw, i saw her yesterday on the train!!!!!! so coincidental hor? maybe she helped out in this year's NDP too!! lolx. anyways, she still looked the same, still as fierce as ever, no change. haha.) the friends we made in the contingent.. those girls, i wonder how are they now?? remember how we used to stand for so long till our foot ached?? kinda miss drill suddenly. lolx.
anyways, its been a tiring day for me. take care peeps. and oh yeah, happy birthday singapore~!!!! =)
.ruffles off.
7.8.05
oooh~ had a busy day today. went MC to teach early in the morning at 10:30am!!!! so i made sure i had 3 alarms working to wake me up. its not that i can't wake up, but i always fall back to sleep after waking up. haha. well anyways, i had 2 new students today, one of them is a male student a year older than me. feels kinda weird teaching somebody who's old enough to be my boyfriend. but anyways, it went pretty well. i was hoping that he'll want to change teacher tho, coz i still feel more comfortable teaching kids only. then had the usual students, and finally my two very lively and naughty 7 year old students. they arhhhh, i think i need to exercise more control over them coz they're starting to take advantage of my nice-ness. was a little impatient with them coz i was quite drained out by then already. imagine repeating the same songs every week with every student. sometimes i even get breatheless during classes because i have to count and talk so much. sunday classes are quite a killer, back to back without break from 10:30am to 1pm. then after class i worked admin/recept/sales at MC with angeline. it feels like the old times before both of us stopped working as admin staff. florence and a few other old staffs were around too, so yeah, i feel good. =)
closed shop early so we could go celebrate our lady boss's birthday at her condo. janet drove me, angeline, florence and jeremy there. on the way there at one of the traffic lights there was this male driver who kept staing at janet. hahaaaaa. so funny lors, we were pointing and looking at his direction and laughing uncontrollably. lolx. i think he knew we were laughing at him. lolx. then reached his condo and we stayed there and had dinner, chatted, sang birthday song for mrs cheah and went back at around 10 plus.
chatted with florence and jeremy at the poolside for a while. jeremy told me to go back to the right track. i know i'm not on the track that i should be. i know my doubts would be cleared once i get back to the right track, i know i would have an answer to my questions once i get back to the right track. but.... frankly speaking, i'm not willing to do that......yet. he knows, i know. i'm trying hard okay, i'm trying hard. sometimes i'm getting there, then sometimes i come back again after i give in to fighting against my own feelings. hais. i duno lah. anyways, i'm not too bothered. at least i'm clear of what i'm after, what i'm looking for and what i really want. its just that sometimes you dont always get what you want. lolx.
i'm going to china with my classmates for an immersion trip in sept. will tell you guys more about it after i pay my deposit tomorrow. lolx. oh btw, i'll be off to JB tomorrow with my parents.. and yeah!! its my block leave already and i'm gonna work extra hard and earn $$ coz i'll need it for my trip =)
so nites everybody. God bless ya.
.ruffles off.
4.8.05
ooooooooh~ had such a wonderful busy day today!!! its a break from the normal boring days i usually have. did surveys around the school with ying and christine. we went around canteens, SBM and SEG blocks targeting year 1s to do our survey. kinda exciting at the start, but i got bored of it after asking like over a hundred people to do our survey. hahaaa.. we are gonna finish 250 survey forms by tomorrow. was quite a fun experience actually lolx.
then for the rest of the day, i was alternating between taking breaks, surfing net, doing powerpoint slides and going to the library to borrow a video for a presentation tomorrow, or just talking crap with my groupmates. hahaa.and time passed real fast today. just 2 more weeks and i be off to my new stopover. and 8 more weeks to the end of TEP!!!!!!! hahaaa... oops, i think i've mentioned it in my previous entry already. i just can't wait..... soo excited =)
then took the train back home with shihui. yeah.. and as usual we end up with lotsa things to laugh about. laughed till my cheeks hurt.. hahaa. we both know what's bothering us in our hearts and understand each other's feelings, which is why its always a relief for us to share our problems because we know we'll understand how it feels. that really helps to relieve the burden that ladens our hearts =) heheee..
then went to teach at MC. heh heh. i'm much fiercer towards my 4 year old student now coz i've learnt that i can't be too nice towards him, he needs to be pushed and stressed else he'll take advantage of my nice-ness. and partly because my patience with him is waning. then i had a new student today, a handsome 7 year old boy. his features are damn nice. might take a picture of him soon and post it up.. he's really very adorable... his name is Daryn. nice and unique huh? =) but he's a little slow in understanding tho. but as long as he's not naughty and pays attention to me, i wont scold him. but er... i need to cultivate more patience... sometimes buay tahan also must tahan. hahaaa. its quite enjoyable actually even tho he's slow. then i rushed over to teach my only private student who stays super near me. that boy, a genius i must say. and he loveeeees piano to the max till he told his mummy that he wants to have lessons everyday. hahaaaa. his mummy asked if i could go over twice a week, but unfortunately i can't afford to sacrifice so much time to teach piano although i would have loved to. he's such a smart little kid, we're like moving onto book 2 already in 3 mths????? normal kids would probably take about 5 to 6 months. =) hehe.. its satifying to see them progress from knowing nothing to playing beautiful pieces of music. =)
sorry i know this post is kinda long. but i just have so much to say. i just read qian's blog, and then something stuck me. while on the train home with qian yesterday, we talked of how blen changed our understanding of life, how we find ourselves changing mentally. qian mentioned about paying attention to pple around her who cares. and it struck me that i'm aware that i can be insensitive, i can be such a bitch, be unsympathetic and selfish and stuffs like that and end up hurting somebody else with my words or actions. i'm aware of it, its just that sometimes i can't be bothered. i'm sorry if i hurt anyone....
and yeah, qian n i agreed to go visit blen next thursday. blen's always a soft reminder of how short and fragile life is, and how its never too late to appreciate and love the people around me, to be patient and forgiving. everyone has changed, i did too. but as long as i have my family and friends to keep me on track, i'll probably still be the same old me i've always been =) nites.
qian.. tracy.. kim... i miss you gurls.
.ruffles off.
3.8.05
deleted last night's post coz i felt that it was kinda crappy. i'm feeling the morning blues. lolx. its quiet and lifeless this week coz half the people are on block leave. christine and puilin took a day's leave today so that makes today especially cold and quiet. so that leaves me, ying and desmond only. we're all supposed to be wearing red or white today for some national day thingy later..some mass dance or something like that. but i dont care lah, wore brown. haha. i dont think i'll go for it anyways. and i thought only secondary schools will come up with such stuffs. didnt know poly organizes all these kinda silly things too. even if it turns out to be fun, i have no mood for it. simply because i'm already in my holiday mood. all of us are, just waiting for our turn to enjoy our block leave. and for now, i wished i could just go home and sleep. lolx.
hmmm... lishi fell sick yesterday so shihui brought her to amk central's polyclinic. and so i tagged along since i dont want to stay in my boring centre. then we sunbian had lunch at amk central. lolx. bought a givenchy perfume for mrs cheah. mr cheah invited us to his house for a celebration this sunday, and i'm sharing the pressie with florence, najif and janet. janet would be driving us to his house on sunday, i hope she wont get lost. haha. then me n shihui went orchard after school. walked around, laughed a lot because we always end up not knowing which direction to take coz we've both got no sense of direction. hahaa. we always depend on others to lead us in the right direction so we dont pay attention to the direction that we're taking. so when the two of us come together, we always end up laughing over our silliness, which is kinda entertaining lah. lolx. we also experimented with the auto taps in the toilets. hahaa. those kind where you just need to put your hand under the tap and the water will supposedly flow out, but it gets maluating when the water just wouldnt flow! lolx.
saw weiping at taka with this friends. then met up with qian, tocky and co and maple at cine after we were almost done shopping. then took the train back with qian and maple while shihui went back to amk central to look for her mum. chatted about school and stuffs, and i feel kinda nolstagic hearing maple complain about fmss coz its what i used to do. hahaaa. yeah, those were the days, complain and complain, but its where we really had all our ups and downs and its where we all had our memories. awwwww.. i wish i could relieve those days. lolx. life was simpler. haha.
anyways, gonna meet qian later at orchard again. tracy and kimmy can't make it today... so sad lors! hais. i'm looking forward to my block leave.
.ruffles off.
1.8.05
beste, weet I dont waarom ik deed welk ik deed. i shouldnt heb sighs. het kwetst zo slechte misschien I shouldnt is gevallen in dit de eerste plaats waarom het zo moeilijk is om uit het dit keer te krijgen? ik wens dit ik hem kon vergeten. ik wens dit iemand anders mijn mening uit hem gelieve te verwijderen. ik weet ik geen kansen zou moeten laten hebben me in het verleden langs uitglijden maar wat niet kan worden ongedaan gemaakt wordt gedaan. ik wil om om het even wat geen meer vragen. ik wil enkel een antwoord. ik kan ik niet om het even welk heb gezocht waarom te worden schijnen? het zou gemakkelijker als ik zijn laten gaan het had geweten? als ik het antwoord kende? ik mis u. ik wist niet het zo slecht zou kwetsen. Somebody, vertelt me, vertelt me wat doe vertellen me hoe zou moeten ik somebody. voelen om het even wie ik sterker dan het verleden leef maar zwak voel ik wanneer het over u waarom komt? u maakt me van u houden en haten. ik haat u voor het doen van dit. ik ik haat u werkelijk voor dit maar nog, kan ik schijnen niet laten van het geheugen, de liederen gaan die zij enkel hebben gehouden speel steeds opnieuw in mijn mening. ik wil enkel een antwoord spoedig, vóór Ianalyse verder.
i just had to pen my thoughts somewhere. i'm beginning to hate coming to school. i would much rather spend my time doing something useful. like do the things i want to do. spend some time with my parents, my dad keep wanting to spend some time with me, coz with my unholy school hours, i hardly see him anymore. and i'm always left with only the weekends to do whatever shit that i do. even so, 2 days aint enough to spend with my parents and my stupid dog. much less spend with my friends, esp qtk since everybody is like so damn busy. different schedules, different timeslots. its so damn hard to meet up. i meet up with everybody except qtk. take qian's birthday for example, her birthday's on last sunday, but we're celebrating it only on this wednesday. tts like damn belated. sighs. sorry gal, i'm not blaming or whatever. but i'm so dying to meet up with you girls to take my mind away from nyp. because my life revolves around nyp and people i met in nyp only. i feel so distant already. coz nobody understands me the way you guys do. well, except for my lovely gang of classmates: shi hui, huimin, lishi, jiajia and jieying, not forgetting zhihong and perhaps karkit (some idiot i've not spoken to in a hundred years because he's madly in love with his girl). and some other people i've known randomly though tkd, friend's friend and TEP. if its not this lovely gang of sillies, i would have felt very lonely in nyp. i'm begining to hate 2 certain people. one who thinks that the world owes her. another one whom i trusted and judged wrongly. whatever. my mistake.
.ruffles off.