.Dont start with Me.
.you wont win.
29.5.05
weeeee~ its another rainy sunday. spent the entire day at home again and it feels good!! i love the peace and time spent with my parents and of course pappy lah. i do what i want, i do what i like. i love my piano. i love my computer. haha. i just love home. lolx. its some quality time spent with myself. haha. i dont get to spend time with myself often nowadays and it feels good to be alone...... for once. haha.
anyways, read my old old blog again today. i read qian's blog too. kim's one too. somehow tracy's one was missing. hm... i miss fairfield. qtmk.qtmk.qtmk and more qtmk appearing every now and then. we've spent so much time together. through every ups and downs, through sharing all the joy, sadness, pain and laughters. all the uncountable stupid things that we did. its been 8 years and still counting........... till death do us part. i'm serious!! memories of what we had will stay with me my entire life. you three are the most beautiful people i'll ever meet or ever can meet in my entire life. love qtk to bits.
no matter what the future holds, i'm glad that i've got you guys in my past and present. muahs~
i'm going back to school tomorrow because i need to return my teacher his thumbdrive which i brought home accidently... oops. haha. and most importantly find out about my ICA next week which i have no idea what is it about actually. AND see if we can get on with our project because we are actually running out of time and unfortunately it carries quite a lot of weightage on our marks for this stopover so i hope we will at least get this proj done well because this stopover is actually pretty screwed enough, i dont wanna jeopardize my grades further. sighs.
.ruffles off.
28.5.05
went out with jiajia, jieying, shi hui and lishi today. had a good time walking around tho we didnt really buy anything. just lotsa window shopping and chitting chatting all the way. i overslept today. was supposed to meet shi hui at 12:30 first before meeting the rest in town, but i was i still sleeping when she called me at 12:30. i think our conversation was quite funny actually. lolx.
shihui: med med, ni yao chu men le mah?
me: omg, sorry i still sleeping.
shihui: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (very high pitched i may add, with her brother mimicking her scream in the background)
i duno why she was screaming la, but her scream woke me up totally. then i quickly washed up, got changed and rushed out to meet her at 1:30 instead. met the rest about 3pm because both of us went to have lunch first. went town, then suntec, then bugis. but we still couldnt find anything that we really liked. jiajia and jieying bought a bag each tho. then we took neoprints. haha. its been a long time since i last took neoprints. haha. anyways, i love them loads. i really enjoy being around with them. =) i somehow injured my thigh today while bending down to pick up something. aaaaaaahh. it was damn stupid. i think i twitched a nerve or something. haha. thanks to jiajia's shoes. lolx. anyways, i had fun. but i was damn tired. i will have a goodnight's sleep today. lolx.
oh yeah. pappy slipped out of the house last night for half an hour. scared me to death. it was the first time in so many years that i lost her. found her sniffing at my neighbour's pot plants when i opened the door when i couldnt find her anywhere at home. i wonder what she was doing for half an hour. she looked like she was enjoying herself. she wasnt like scared or anything.
hais. actually my mood sucks right now. lolx. because i feel kinda helpless with certain things. i wished i could turn back time to those days when everything was still normal in life. although it wasnt perfect, but at least it was simpler, happier, purer and more certain. now it feels dark, scary, intimidating and very uncertain. i wished i could understand, so maybe everything would be better? i wished time would pass quickly, so we can move on faster to a different stage. hmm.. i have no idea. i'm sleepy. nites.
.ruffles off.
27.5.05
haha.. i changed my blogskin. lolx. but the links and the background music are still not up yet because i was changing and editing the blog in school and saved my old blogskin's templete in the school's com which contained both the html code and links. haha. anyways, aint the doggie cute?? lolx.
hm.. anyways, i've been slacking a lot since yesterday. haha. talk about guilty conscience. i feel guilty for leaving joana alone in the centre when i go off to meet my friends because jiamin's not around today to accompany her. the breaks that i take are.. hm... pretty atrocious. BUT.. i still get my work done alrights? haha. by the way, i'll be having my block leave next week. so i'll be very free for the entire next week. i'll get whatever i wanna do done in that week. and theres so much that i wanna do, so many people that i wanna meet. so i've gotta plan carefully man. the bad news is that jiajia, lishi and shi hui are having their block leave the week after mine!!!! arg. this is infuriating. but thank God jieying and zhi hong would be in school. haha. so its not so bad afterall. lolx. and i'll be going shopping with jieying, jiajia and shi hui tomorrow =)
anyways, had a really good day. this week's been one of the best weeks that i've had so far. reached my centre super early at 6:27am. hahaaa. and there was nobody in the room except for anna, our administrator and me lah of course. christine and jiamin didnt come today. so it was quite boring actually. if it wasnt for joana and val i think i would have whined to death. haha.
then was searching for blogskins and came across this current one that i've changed to. edited some parts of the skin tho. the colours and stuffs. and i spent the entire day doing just that. went to meet my lovely peeps for lunch at south canteen during lunch break. how i wish FJ would open quickly. they've closed it for the time being because of the holidays. jieying was trying out some game about relationships stuffs using tissue paper. mine turned out quite badly i can say. haha. jy interpreted mine as something like i'm tying myself up, meaning that i keep a lot of certain things to myself. jy and jiajia said they agree. actually, i dont know. maybe i dont wanna acknowledge how i feel because it would seem even more real, and i'll probably fall even deeper. my feelings are something that i've been trying to control so i wouldn't be overwhelmed by emotions. coz i know i'm not rational when i'm controlled by emotions rather than my brain. i've learnt to use my mind to control myself instead of my heart. =(
anyways, that's not very important. i've got a lot other priorities in my life. like my family and friends and of course my education right now. =) lolx.
anyways, its been a tiring week. i have no idea why either. lolx. not enough sleep i guess. had my piano lessons yesterday at mc. i think i need some more connectivity with 4 year old kids because sometimes i have no idea what is he saying. haha. but i guess its still mangeble for now. and i'm still a very nice teacher because i didnt lose my temper once. haha. i dont think i will lose my temper with them la. first its because they might complain to their mothers, second its because they're too adorable. lolx. ok. i'm dizzy with sleepiness. tata. nites~
.ruffles off.
25.5.05
3:19pm:
i'm feeling so ultra lazy and sleepy right now. my throat feels ultra uncomfortable and i think if i talk summore, i'll probably lose my voice. i have tons of work waiting to be completed. so why am i still here?!?!? because i'm so sick of looking at the same screens with the same contents with the same backgrounds at every page, at every file. i'm so sick of editing and re-editing the same stuffs everyday, every week. i still thought my group would be able to relax this week because this week's meeting hasn't been finalized yet. but ALAS. this obviously isnt the case. i have minor editings to complete for 8 files. and i've only managed to complete 1 since morning. opps. to make things worse, we have another project to complete these 2 weeks with reports to write. hais. i hate writing reports but i'll probably be writing a lot more for the rest of my life since i'm studying business. sighs. i shouldnt be slacking here actually. haha. but i have zero motivation to get anything done. the mood to do nothing has taken over. all i feel like doing is sleep. the bright lights are giving me a headache actually. *yawns*. haha. that was what i've been doing very frequently. keep yawning, take in more O2. will that refresh me? haha. ok sorry, i'm going nutty because my mind tells me i have to get some work done, but my heart doesnt agree with my mind. and i follow my heart. hahaaa. sorry for so much crap. i'm just trying to perk myself up with some crap so i wont have the urge try to prop my head on my hands and lie on the table and sleep because i'm very bored and tired. anyways, my teacher is around and he would probably wake me up. my wrists are hurting from holding the target for too long and too high for yesterday's training. hahaa. i've got this fresh blueblack from that hurts when i bend my kness, and no doubt touching them would be eve more painful and i'd probably cry if i knock against it, so dont ask me to rub it. haha. and i feel abit ache-ish. haha, ok la, i'll not talk type so much rubbish anymore in case anyone starts rolling their eyeballs while reading this chunk of babblings. and i will try to get at least another file done before i knock off today. haha. ok bye~
p.s: my neighbour jiamin is dozing off on the table already. haha =p
.ruffles off.
24.5.05
woohooo~!! i'm in a good good mood!! hahaaa.. i have no idea why. just feeling happy today. i know happiness dont last. it never does, but its nice to be feeling hyped again for a change although my mood will turn sour for a moment whenever i think of all the bad stuffs that's happening. hais. nevermind, it wont kill me. kinda used to it already. not like this is the first time shitty stuffs happened to me. and i've always manage to get through them, so its not gonna be any different this time round. and i always end up as a happy girl in the end. hahaaa. ok nevermind me, i'm waaaayy too happy to mop around in self pity. which, in any case, i dont do it all the time okay....!!! not unless i'm seriously depressed or feel lost. haha ;)
ok anyways, i'm really having a great day today. i'm actually in school right now. haha. just came back from my break. had a super huge laughing session at macs with jiamin, val and joanne. we were sharing jokes. hahaa.. laugh till my cheeks hurt. hahaa. i'll share them next time with you guys if i can remember them. hahaa. but it was really good la. we havent felt so relaxed for weeks already!!! hais. but i really dont wish to move over to the next stopover because i'll really miss them!!! i've just gotten used to their prescence. hais. i'll see if i can use the cable i borrowed from jiamin to upload pics from my phone when i return home, then i'll try to upload them ASAP if its useable. haha.
anyways, today me and my teammates went comfort for a short on training session on the machines used in cabs so we can make apt changes to the website. hahaa. it was quite fun actually. but it also means that we have work to do. but it seems like, its been quite a slackish day, coz i havent actually gotten any work done since morning till now. anyways, we went there at about 9am and came back around 10am. then had a short meeting with our teacher in charge about the proj after that. then our director and the principal came round. hais. i wonder if its a norm for them to do such visitings or issit because of........... hm. i shant say. i'm not gonna spell out stuffs that people had been wondering but kept it to themselves. haha.
i think i'm not making sense because i'm feeling dizzy from laughing too much today. feeling abit feverish actually. haha. or maybe its because its cold around here. anyways, well, it feels good to slack because i havent done that in ages and i almost drowned in all that stress which i was unprepared for. hais. poly life has been too slacked in the past. now i've learnt. haha. i always need time to prepare can. hhaa. anyways, yeah. i certainly did learn something within these few weeks... let me add that it has nothing to do with whatever skills that TEP is supposed to teach us. of course i did learn something from this stopover la, like flash. but other than that, almost nothing else.
but anyways, i'm glad things are looking good.. for now at least. its gonna be 6pm soon!! i think i'll attend tkd today. lolx. shall not keep slacking too much, else i'll grow fat. haha. =)
.ruffles off.
22.5.05
time really flies. its sunday again. spent my entire day at home today. i didnt even take a single step out of my house. spent most of my time practicing on the piano till my fingers were shaking with numbness. my god, i've never ever played a song as tiring as the canon arrangment by george winston in my entire life. i've only managed to clear half the song before i went nutty. but its very nice. its even nicer when you play it on your own. i wished i could play it well.
i'm feeling much much better today. i've finally managed to think things through. i was looking through some of the old emails that i've kept and found this link to my old old blog. the one i had before this blogspot. i blogged during my sec 4 days. life was much simpler then. at least i didnt feel lost or anything. its so easy to feel lost nowadays. half the time i'm always telling myself to get a grip, taking hold myself, analyzing things in order for me to feel right. its like an eagle's life. when they're still young as baby eagles, their parent feed them till they're strong enough and ready to take their first flight. then its up to themselves to survive on their own and start their own family. then that's when they start to learn in life. i guess its the same for us.
anyways, talking to kim and qian online right now. i missed them loads. they're my energizer batteries. haha. seriously i dont feel lost anymore after chatting with them.
sighs, no matter what life throws at me, i'll somehow get through it.
.ruffles off.
21.5.05
its a cold rainy day today. i like. i'm always happy when it rains. i wish it wouldnt stop. its a good day to play the piano. coz i wouldnt be frustrated and it actually sounds nicer. i havent had much time to play the piano lately, and even if i do, i always dont have the mood. but today was different, its a nice feeling for a change la.
anyways, i was planning to stay home the entire day. was chatting on msn and playing the piano in the afternoon. yenping was mass messaging around evening and asked if anyone wanna have dinner because she was in bb, so i met her at westmall and we went for dinner at mos burger. i was appetite-less, so i tried the apple pie. its tastes weird. i think mac's apple pie is nicer.
went to spectable hut, because yen wanna get her lenses. then went watson to get her lens solution. so mafan right. haha. anyways, i was bugging her to watch house of wax, so we bought the tix at 6:40pm and we caught the flick at 6:45pm. haha. anyways, the show wasn't as gross as i expected it to be. perhaps its because half the time i had my eyes closed and my hands over my ears throughout to muffle the sound effects. haha. the show was quite draggy and a little boring actually because they didnt have much of a storyline. i prefer animityville horror. at least its scarier la. lolx. but yeping was pretty freaked out because she had her eyes fixed on the screen throughout and she was actually swearing at those scary parts. but i only heard her at the ending part because my arms were tired and i took them away from my ears for that moment, and then i heard her swear. haha.
then we went kopi roti to sit and talk. chatted a little about something. its like a different world outside fairfield. graduating from fmss is like stepping out of comfort zone. hais. i miss the old faces i used to see everyday. i miss fairfield's culture.. or something like culture. frequency levels. i dont know, whatever you call it. one thing i've learnt after i came poly is that, you can only maintain friendships with people of around the same frequency level with abit of chemistry involved even if you cant click with the person. at least you can maintain it. so what if you can click well but lack chemistry and are of a different frequency level. it would be difficult to keep the friendship going. you will drift apart one day. i hate drifting apart from people, which is maybe why making new friends seem so unappealing to me. i have no idea why am i analyzing this crap. i think i'm too sleepy. should just let nature take its course and not think so much. haha. nites.
.ruffles off.
20.5.05
i'm tired. all i can say is, my life is kinda upside down at the moment. work alone is draining enough. datelines, expectations, editing like mad, meetings and presentations. we give our everything into the work that we do, and what do we get? no pay, nevermind. of course we expect good grades. but we probably wouldnt get a desirable grade anymore. and something worse could happen. sighs. i have no idea. nobody can understand how hellish it is for us to be going through this shit that is happening because you are not us. because you have no idea what happened. because we feel unjustified. its not just the things on the surface that we have to deal with, but stuffs that goes on within ourselves. in the midst of this shit that is happening, the best thing that happened to me in my centre is knowing certain people, especially my team members, jiamin, val and christine. i can't believe its been only a month and we've been through so much. my god. it feels like we known each other for a few years already. sighs. its just so......... exhausting.
sighs, no matter what happens, we still have to work. thanks to TEP. tell me more about TEP. perhaps the school should do a survey among us, the TEP sudents, us, who are going through all these attachements. and see what kinda answers they're gonna get.
i had been busy since afternoon. forgot to bring my hp, so i was phoneless the entire day.
went for the meeting with jiamin around 1:40pm and we took a cab to the comfort office. waited a while for our teacher to come before we went upstairs. it was a little different today. was quite nervous because there was only two of us this time round. it feels stressier than ever. but thank God today's meeting went pretty well. had a super short hands on session meddling with the electronics that we have to create e-learning websites on. it was interesting. my entire group would go back on tuesday for a more detailed session. i wonder how is it gonna turn out. went back to school around 4pm for the sharing session. some people are just born with talents, my goodness, they are good. i have no talent in such computer stuffs but i just know enough for me to get by. then finally the day ended. met jieying and jiajia for dinner. i was super hungry because i skipped lunch, but i have no appetite because i feel just so tired and moodless.
i wonder how far i can go, how much i can take. sighs. its not gonna kill me. but i'm really tired. i'm tired both mentally and physically. emotionally? i have no idea. sometimes i dont even know what am i feeling? i feel quite void of anything. just plain t.i.r.e.d. its making me a cold person. its not me. qian, kim and tracy.. where are you gurls? help. life is just so different from fairfield. urrrg.
what you see is not what you get. if you bother to search deeper within, you'll be surprised.
.ruffles off.
18.5.05
something terrible is happening in my centre. it is quite an big issue. our conscience is clear, we are fully aware of our own actions and words. we do think before we act and before we say anything. and for your information, we are already 18 this year. we are not kids anymore. everything that we do, we do it using our BRAINS. don't take us as a bunch of brainless idiots. that's an insult to us. one important thing everyone has to know is that WE DO NOT GO LOOKING FOR TROUBLE. because, WE THINK BEFORE WE ACT AND BEFORE WE SAY ANYTHING, because, we are obviously NOT brainless, because we are MATURED and NOT CHIDLISH anymore, because we're OLD ENOUGH to understand WHAT IS MATURITY, and RESPECT that. respect us. respect me. one last thing, believe it or not, WE ARE REASOANBLE AND LIBERAL PEOPLE.
and i need to say another thing. i am not stupid as to get myself into trouble with blogging. which is why, i DO NOT name names, partly also to avoid uneccessary awkwardness. if you dont like what you're reading, LEAVE. understand?? i am NOT responsible for whatever feelings that you have after reading. in any case, its YOUR feelings, not mine. and don't say i didnt warn, i said, if you dont like what you're reading, SCRAM. because this is MY blog, my opinions, i DO NOT name names, i DO NOT point fingers in my blog, so unless i did infringe on your privacy or exposed anybody of anything, GET LOST. if anybody wants to be sensitive, i can't do anything about it.
yeah, i am really upset. like i said before, after blenheim died, i have realised and understood a lot more things than before. i can say i matured drastically. people who knows me well would know. my perspection of life has changed in just 2 months. blen has left for 2 months already, and i'm seeing and understanding things from that new window that God has opened for me. its totally new. this is growing up i guess. i wont entertain any unreasonable childishness. frankly speaking, i do have lower tolerance for unreasonable people than before. i admit, i am impatient, but i am aware that i am impatient whenever i get impatient. and bear this in mind, i try my best to be as understanding and forgiving as possible. but just dont push me to my limits.
some things do not need to be spoken, as long as our conscience is clear. in life, i hardly do things or make decisions that i'll regret later. in fact, 90% of the time i dont.
i think i should thank everyone in my centre who has comforted us these 2 days, and my dearest friends for expressing your concern about my moodiness. thanks. sighs. to my dearest group members, we'll be strong okays? i never will regret knowing you 3 (you should know who you are la right...), and i hope our friendship will just keep growing stronger kays.. i believe we'll have happier days ahead. dont stress out too much on the proj and everything else okays? we'll de-stress together after everything ends. =)
.ruffles off.
16.5.05
its monday!!! i think somebody got out of the wrong side of bed today plus monday blues made her kukufied. but i dont give a damn if she's having pms or what. she gave some hell attitude that turned me off totally. and not just me. turned a few others off as well. or should i say turned the rest of us off? seriously i dont give a shit about her feelings because i enjoy watching her fume and throw tantrums. i enjoy watching her fight the urge to cry and scream at me. do i? haha... a little of both. but i'm not sadistic. its just that i'm seriously turned off by her. until she turns me on again..(dont think dirty ok. not that kinda turn on.)... i'll probably be trying to spite her all i can depending on my mood. haha. ok la, i'll only be mean when she gets on my nerves. i dont go looking for trouble ok.
okies, enough of this crappy shit. sorry about all the shittings. i'm in quite an irritable mood. but besides the fact that she tinted my beautiful morning grey, i had a wonderful day~ work was alright, managed to get some stuffs done. although i'm kinda worried about my thumbdrive which i so conveniently left in the lab. but i think nobody would wanna kope it. i hope. lolx. well, worse come to the worst, i just needa redo the entire thing. hm... but i would rather not. i'll probably whine to death if its stolen. hais. anyways, besides her, the rest of my groupmates are simply WONDERFUL! i'm serious. i love them to bits. i would hate the day for us to be seperated and move on to the next stopover. i'll get some pics posted up if i can.. =)
sighs, some songs reminds me of some stuffs. i need to get it out of my head. its stiffling me. nvms, anyways, talking to dan at the moment while blogging. i asked him what was his first impression of me. he said this:
[S]ame [S]hit [D]ifferent [D]ay... says:
i say gentle
[S]ame [S]hit [D]ifferent [D]ay... says:
then when i saw u wif them taekwondo moves and whacking me
[S]ame [S]hit [D]ifferent [D]ay... says:
i say wild
[S]ame [S]hit [D]ifferent [D]ay... says:
then when i see u sad
[S]ame [S]hit [D]ifferent [D]ay... says:
i say soft spoken
[S]ame [S]hit [D]ifferent [D]ay... says:
then when i see u working
[S]ame [S]hit [D]ifferent [D]ay... says:
i say dreamy
[S]ame [S]hit [D]ifferent [D]ay... says:
but overall
[S]ame [S]hit [D]ifferent [D]ay... says:
i say HEW!
[S]ame [S]hit [D]ifferent [D]ay... says:
:p
haha.. he's one friend that i have a weird friendship with. lolx. but i like the matured him better. lolx. anyways, cheers to our friendship.
anyways, i'm getting tired. i'm looking forward to tomorrow actually now that i'm not totally drained of energy. i recharged myself during the weekends. =) hope you guys had a good day too. nites.
.ruffles off.
14.5.05
went to look for qian at her workplace at tiong bahru in the afternoon during her break. went sakae to have lunch. haha, it was just opposite thai express where she was working. then we went to walk walk. went into bodyshop and i spent over $60+ in that shop. haha. i think i must be mad. then we went back to qian's workplace. was complaining of thirst so qian recommended avocado milkshake, so i decided to try. but erm, i didnt like the taste. i found it too bland and thick, so this sweetie added another spoonful of sugar and more milk to make it sweeter and less thick. but erm, it tasted worse actually. hahaha. haiyo, then my darling qian felt so bad that she went to make some sour plum soda for me. lolx. thanks sweetie. =) gonna meet qian tomorrow to cut my hair at sandstorm. hahaaa, she was gushing over the hairdresser in her blog. hahaaa, gonna see how cute he is tomorrow. hahaha. kidding~
anyways, these were the pictures that was taken during my birthday celebration at swensens with my polymates whom i hang out with everyday in school. there is never a dull moment with them around. love them lots. =)
top: jieying, jiajia, me
bottom: li shi, shi hui, hui min (notice how their names connect.. haha...)
another all girls pic~
zhi hong and karkit
the 2 xing fu guy among the 6 of us. hahaaaaa. =P
all of us!!! =)
huimin and me~ my crappy mate in school. love ya dearie. ;)
karkit and jieying were bickering about something. hahaaa. i thought this candid pic was funny. lolx.
okie, that's all. i'm seriously blessed to have known them. =)
oh yes.. i added music to my blog with the help of chris. thanks!! its playing Rurouni Kenshin- Starless btw. =)
.ruffles off.
13.5.05
wwwwaddd the. whatever happened to blogspot????? or is it just my home browser??? why are all my navigations in chinese?!?! in traditional chinese to be precise!!!! not that i can't read chinese. i do okays, and i understand it perfectly well, although i dont know how to read some of the words, BUT its still manageble enough for me to navigate around. haha.
anyways, today is friday the 13th. hahaa. whoever said friday the 13th is a bad day?? if you believe it is, then a bad day it will be.
i had a pretty good day today, although i'm super tired and sleepy. i'm especially sleepy in the lab because staring at those bright screens with a tired brain just makes me wanna shut my eye and sleep. it doesnt help when the lab is full of hai.............. i know its mean of me to say this, but................ they're really noisy. sometimes i get so fed up with them. everytime they start playing and fooling around, making so much noise, it really get on our nerves. then i will start stuffing my ear with my earphones to drown out the noise and concentrate. but the thing is, once i lose my concentration, its so difficult to get it back. so most of the time i end up taking breaks. haha. i remember how ms lim used to remind us how important breaks are in order to recharge our brains so we would be able to work more efficiently after the break. hm............... so does it work? it does when they all quiet or when the teacher is around, because my teacher is known to have pms. he's nice when he's not having pms. haha.
anyways, something interesting happened today. i almost lost my phone during lunch break. gave me a scare. but thank God i found it in the end. hehes. all thanks to huimin!! lolx. =)
i really wonder when is TEP ever gonna end. it feels very draggy. very no life actually. i would rather study for classical modules. haha. and i really miss kim, tracy and qian a lot. was chatting with tracy just now. i guess we've all changed. she can sense that i've changed and i can sense that she has changed and we both are aware that we have changed. lolx. its difficult to explain what the change is. we are still very much who we were in the past, but what we're made up of has changed. so i guess the saying, 'what we are changes but who we are never changes.'
i guess we've all changed. we understand a lot more things now compared to the past. the word enlightment seems be quite appropriate for this change. it somehow made us a less happier person than before. its not a bad thing, neither is it a good thing. good and bad are extremes of how we judge and view things. everything falls in between this two extremes. everything has it pros and cons. circumstances helpes to define the decision made. love and understanding comes with a price. understanding how it feels to feel hurt teaches us what is love.
i'm getting very drowsy and i can't think properly. thank God its FRIDAY! tata~ nites.
.ruffles off.
12.5.05
11:49am:
my teacher is having pms today. its 11:49am right now. 11 mins to lunch break. can't wait. all i feel like doing is to go home and crawl into my bed under my comforter and sleep. i almost wanted to take mc today so i can stay home and rest. i've been staring at the com, working on the proj occasionally at snail's speed, most of the time kpo-ing pple's blog since morning. its 11:53am now. 7 more mins to lunch break. haha. i'm seriously going nutty. TEP is even stressier than exams. its like never ending. hais. flash makes me wanna.......................wanna wad? i dunno. but i just feel so AAAAAAAAAARGGGGG everyday because life is seriously mundane and colourless because all i do is rush proj proj proj and proj from morning till evening then i go home and sleep and then its the same routined thing again the next day, the next and the next. nevermind, it wont kill me. i'll persevere. guess life is all about perservering. life is a mystery. life on earth is sad. don't get me wrong, life is not sad because of this crappy TEP that is draining me. but recently i felt like God just opened another window for me to view life. was talking to jieying during the morning break about some stuffs. hais. life is indeed sad. but theres nothing that we can do? its just out of our means to control. just gotta live it to the fullest as much as possible and then die. then meet God and ask him the burning questions that only He can answer. haha. okie, its 12:02pm!!! praise the Lord!! tata~ might be back later with less crap.
.ruffles off.
10.5.05
i simply love this song God will make a way by Don Moen. i've been moody recently and i have no idea why. probably because i've been feeling tired while work drives me crazy sometimes and i miss the company of some people. i miss qtk, and i miss talking to sean. sean!! where are u man!! i dont even see you online anymore. i have so much to say lor. i need you to hear me talk. and something about poly people....not majority... but minority enough to make me feel out of place. not that they're not nice, but..... i think we have different frequency level. they're very....... chinese. just the way they carry themselves, they way they act, they way the speak... i abit kan bu sun yan. oops. okie. i'll stop talking about this, its pretty sensitive. i know everyone has their way of life, their own character and stuffs, but they're just so different from the people back in pri or sec sch. dunno la. just feel damn weird. if i can't really tahan them, i can't imagine how it would be like for tracy or kim if they were in my shoes. i only enjoy the company of my group members and a few others, the rest are....... ahem. the only time i am really myself is when i'm with my classmates and around tkd peeps.
i think i've changed to a more melancholic person. my group members said i look sad and tired. sighs, what's wrong with me. i feel like whining.
anyways, on a lighter note, let me blog about my morning.
woke up as usual in the morning and met my group members at yck mrt station at 8:30am and we hailed a london cab!!!!! hahaaa. the charges are the same as the normal cabs... so we really did enjoy the short ride in the london cab. waited a while for mr fuan and then we went for the meeting. it was quite an experience for us. so we did our presentation... and it was quite good, at least it went quite smoothly. sighs, but now we have major editings to do. its enough to keep us busy till next thurs for the next meeting. at least this time we have a week plus to complete the work. so erm, i dont think we need to rush like mad again.
i think i look sad when i dont talk. hahaa, jiamin just asked me why i look so sad again. lolx. she say i have a very stressed up face. hahaaaa. its so funny actually. she'll tell me to relax whenever she catches me looking expressionless. actually i'm just feeling plain tired because my eyes are dry and hurting. haha. but i appreciate her concern. sometimes it jolts me back from my lala world to reality because work can be such a mental torture that i'll automatically daydream while listening to my mp3. it happens even when i'm slacking. hahaaaa. =P
taking about mp3s, cheap battery sucks. i've used 5 of those in just 2 days and my current battery is running out of batt soon. qi si wo le. 16 batteries for $1. hahaaaa. cheap right? but i didnt expect its lifespan to be this short!!!
the place is cold because its raining outside. and its only 3.11pm according to the school's clock. i realised i took an hour plus to type this crap that you're reading. haha.. so ciao till i have something to blog again. =P
qian, tracy, kim. i miss you gurls. tracy, take care while you're in england. enjoy yourself kays =)
.ruffles off.
9.5.05
life's getting mad again. was rushing a proj recently which is why i havent had much time to blog. last week wasn't as stressed up as compared to today. at least we had time off to rest, and take short breaks. but today was complete madness because we have a presentation to do tomorrow at comfort in the morning. so we had some lecture in the morning, which was quite a wasted of our time because no one actually listened and i can't remember what the topic was about because i was busy chatting throughout the entire thing myself. oops. well, after that we went for a super short break, then we started working on the proj from 10 plus till lunch break. by then, i was somewhere near half dead. hahaaa. but it was still tolerable. then went to meet my classmates as usual for lunch. i realised guys change totally when they're in a relationship. hahaaaa.
anyways, went back at around 1 plus and we started working again till 7pm!! we gave them an hour of free OT man. hais. haha.. we are actually thinking of claiming that hour back though. lolx. we were almost done by the time we left.. just a lot of linking left to do. hahaaa. and our teacher volunteered to do it for us. hehe, how nice of him, considering that we're not paid to do the work that the school's paid to do... hor? hahaa, ok la, it was very brave of the teacher to volunteer to do the linking for us because its a super ultra tedious job to do and i wonder how long did he stayed in school to complete it. haha.
sighs. i hope the comfort management would be happy with what we've done after we've put in so much effort. i hope the presentation would not screw up tomorrow. at least not too badly i hope. or at least i pray that God would give us wisdom to handle any bad situation that might happen.
as i listened to the song God will make a way, i felt much better, like my burden's not as big as they seem to be. And i realised how much i actually miss QTK. i love you darlings. can we like meet soon?? its been a month since i last saw you guys.
actually i have a lot more things to write, but i'm half dozing off as i'm typing, so i would probably continue tomorrow~ tata. nites.
.ruffles off.
4.5.05
sometimes i wonder what the hell is wrong with me. i realised i've grown more demanding, less sympathetic and more hostile? in any case, i was already hostile and not sympathetic enough in the past. sighs, i don't know what am i turning into? i don't know why am i demanding so much out of others when i'm not perfect on my own?
do not do unto others what you do not want others to do unto you.
sighs. i would hate others to demand things outta me like how i demanded things outta others. omg. but....................................... i don't know why i just can't help it. i say what i think is the right thing, but it doesn't mean that it is actually right... right? the worse thing is they give in to me. tell me... am i resonable? the more easily others give in to me, the more i worry. i worry that i've become so unreasonable that nothing drills into me? i would rather they argue. i would listen, wouldn't i? i've always been pretty open to other people's opinions in the past, but i'm not sure now. actually i thought i still am, until people told me i've grown more hostile? i realised i've also become more competitive than usual. i feel like i'm becoming such a mean person. oops. but i would hate to hurt anybody's feeling, especially if i don't even know that i hurt them, and especially when i don't mean it. i should watch my tongue right? sighs. i feel like such a meanie actually. but i really don't mean it. =(
sighs, can you guys pls tag on my board and tell me if i'm resonable or not? am i stubborn? am i open to ideas or do i always want my way?? tell me okays. or pm me on msn and let me know. lolx. its kinda stupid to be asking such stuffs on my blog and let the entire world know. but hey, this is my blog. MY blog, for MY friends. so shoo if you don't like what you're reading.
haha, okay, i feel that was pretty hostile of me. hahaaa.. i'm too sensitive la huh? lolx. sighs sorry, its either i'm too stressed up or its just another changing phase that i've gotta go through during my teenage years. haha. but yeah, i'm pretty stressed up at work. the tight deadline and the tedious editings for the proj are giving us a quite a headache actually. my teammates are also going through the same kind of torture as i am.
seriously i feel damn drained today. coffee doesn't help anymore.
firstly its because of work.
secondly is because of yesterday's tkd training. yesterday's training was damn tiring, but i have to admit, its good. i haven't felt so physically drained and numbed for like dunno how many thousand ice years ago. yesterday's sparring left me with a few blueblack and bruises. one of which, i'm super bu fu qi about. the pain on my neck left by SOMEBODY. haha, kl should know what is it. i feel so bu fu qi. hahaaa. but hey, it actually motivates me to master tkd well so i can take me revenge one day... hahaaaa. i was kidding about the revenge part, but i'm serious about the motivating me part.
thridly is because i didn't get enough sleep. haha.
okays, i shall get back to work. sighs. its flash.....................again.
oh yeah, i have to thank hilwan for lending me the flash prog. haha. at least i can get something done at home, which i'm not sure if i would, but at least i'll have the prog IF i really can't meet the dateline and have to complete it at home. hehes.
it doesn't make me feel any better when people are watching horror movies behind us, screaming away when i see my group members and myself slogging away for the school WITHOUT pay, when i'm pretty sure that comfort pays the school for the proj that we're working on. talk about what's fair and what's not. haha. well, since when is life ever fair anyways? ok, i'll shut up and get on with my work. =(
.ruffles off.
3.5.05
11:10am:
feeling so moodless for anything on this rather blue tuesday morning. no reason for feeling blue, probably making up for yesterday's monday blue? hahaaa..
i just heard Don Moen's-God will make a way on my mp3 while working on the boring flash proj. i have no idea why, whenever i hear this song, i would be able to feel the desperation and depression that was present throughout blen's entire ordeal. i think its because, throughout that period, i listened to no other songs except for that Don Moen song.
God will make a way
When there seems to be no way
He works in ways, we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to his side
With love and strength, for each new day
He will make a way
He will make a way
By the roadway in the wilderness
He'll lead me
Rivers in the desert will I see
Heaven and earth will fade
But his word will still remain
And he will do
Something new today
sighs. everything happened so quickly and in the blink of an eye, its may already. haha. ok la, enough of that. but i miss qian, kim and tracy alot. i miss their laughters, i miss their smiles, i miss their bickerings, i miss their.......... presence.
1:13pm:
2 of my teammates came back from the comfort office before lunch. my teacher forgot to bring money for the cabfare i had to go down and lend him $$. hahaaa.. anyways, there are a lot of changes made to the proj, and suddenly we have so much work to do. but i have faith in my group. thank God all 5 of us can click well, which makes working together much much easier and less stressful. i hope we stay this way, because the rest of the week ain't gonna be easy. the dateline's damn tight. sighs, but nevermind, at least its something to occupy my mind. haha. but frankly speaking, i like the atmostphere here in ELDC, everyone is at peace with everyone else. so now, i shall sit back and relax and enjoy my time till 2pm before we start slogging.
.ruffles off.