.me being me.

29.2.04

had a conference with david and angeline yesterday to discuss about some stuffs and then slept at 1 plus. i didn't know my phone could do conferencing. haha. but i think my phone bill is going to increase this month. sms-ed quite alot too. hope it doesn't exceed $30.

woke up at 9 and met david at macdonalds. went to work after that. then rushed off to CHC for the 1pm service. It was really good. Spiritually i grew so much just after 2 services and a conference. I really like the sermons there in CHC. They're just so motivating and encouraging. Learnt a lot there.

Just opened a letter sent by CHC. They said they'll be giving me a friendly call? hm.. ok. Was quite surprised when i opened the letter. Thought it was from a friend initially coz the outside is handwritten. Thank God my dad doesn't open my letters.

anyways, my eyes are drooping already. feel so sleepy. something's wrong with my eyesight. its getting worse. have to stop straining my eyes. kz... till then.. tata~!

.ruffles off.

28.2.04

had a long day today. met angeline at 10 in the morning and we took the train to nangyang poly. the lecturers there are really friendly and helpful. i decided to choose nangyang poly as my first choice basically because their cut off points are generally higher than other polys like ngee ann, which means that i'll have a higher chance of getting into the course that i want. and i don't want to take the risk of putting SP or NP as my first choice and then i don't get in and then i'll have problem getting into NYP coz its not my first choice. hm.. am i making sense? i think so. anyways, i think i should be able to get into NYP. Have to really pray for it. God really answers prayers. i prayed for results that can get me into the course that i want. And He made it possible. So now, it depends on the take in. I'll leave it to God. He is a miracle worker. I'm sure at the end He'll make things work.

I'm not exactly too bothered by the courses actually. What bothers me is about the church service. Finally talked to mr cheah about it. And he was so understanding. He was so nice. Praise the Lord!!! :) His reaction was something that me and angeline didn't expect. He was cool about it. Didn't hestitate to encourage us to go. So it was decided that I will go for the 10am service on sundays and angeline will go for the 1pm service on sundays. I thought all is well. But then, i realised that i'll have to leave home by 9am, which means that i'll have problem explaining to my parents about where i'm going. I really don't want to keep lying to them and tell them that i'm at work when i'm going to church. And another thing is that, even if i lie to them, they'll still be able to check on me anything coz i live so near!! Sooner or later my parents are gonna find out that i'm going to CHC secretly. I don't want it to be a secret. why should it be anyway? Its not something awful that i have to hide about. Its not that i'm not from a christian family and its not even because that they don't know Christ. Its because of some diversity. My parents, or should i say, my dad in particular, is a devout Catholic. And since young, its his 'dream' for me to know Christ, get baptised and be a Catholic. And the problem doesn't end here. He's gonna compare me to Peishan, the Father in Blessed Sacrament is gonna ask about me... and blah... there are so many factors that is not in favour of me telling my dad that i'm going to CHC. Personally, i think this is ridiculous. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I don't want to upset him. I just want the Lord to show me the way and tell me what to do.

.ruffles off.

27.2.04

finally got back the results today. i feel like its a burden taken off my shoulders. phew. i panicked when i actually got the results slip. i haven't even opened the paper and i cried. i felt so silly. but i was really really really panicking already. i wasn't scared. its just that i was panicking. i didn't know what i was doing. qian was by my side... and i just cried. i don't know what happened really. i wasn't scared AT ALL. Thank God. He comforted me and took away my fears. probably its the fact that i'm finally there and getting that peice of paper actually hits me that.. you know.. i'm outta of Fairfield.. outta of a place that i call my 2nd home.

well... everything has to come to an end. i can go back and visit them anyways.. :) anyways... i actually passed my geog+social studies~! yay~! i know my expectation is very low, but really, i've been failing geog all my life since sec 1. so its kinda like an achievement for me. teehee. hm... failed my amaths. hai. expected it already. sigh. but thankfully, its all over. i have choosen a few courses that i want to take. thankfully again, i'm within the cut-off point. phew. i'm scraping thru everything. i did my best, i have no regrets. even if i had to take it all over again, i'll still get the same results. well, probably not for chinese.. probably i could have done better during oral. but.. its ok.. its over. no point complaining it now. ;) the results i've gotten for science really shocked me. i've never gotten anything above C for science, but amazingly enough, i got a B~!!

After all the worrying and everything. All i wanna say is that. Indeed God has blessed us. Blessed us in different ways. And He has certainly blessed me. Thank you Lord. Now, all of us has moved on to a new chapter in our lives. I know He'll continue to bless everyone of us~!!!!! yay!!!

.ruffles off.

26.2.04

God will make a way
When there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to his side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way
He will make a way

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me
Phil 4:13

This is one song and verse that i really like. Simple but yet encouraging and true. There are so many things happening in my life now. So many things that needs solutions. Problems that seem to be a dead end. This song comes into my mind. Every word of it is so true. God will make a way when there seems to be no way. Theres nothing i can do now to my results. So all i can do now is to believe and have faith. The verse. Its about faith again, with faith, i trust in Him and He will strengthen me and my walk with Him. Met Bee Leng with angeline and jason at kfc after work today. Had a small discussion. Came up with a couple of solution for some small problem. Before we splited, Bee Leng prayed for us. She asked God to take away our anxiousness. I felt it and i cried. What touches me is that, God kept placing angles in my life. Angels who keeps me going, angels who comforts me, angels who speak the Word, angels whom he speaks through. Now i feel rather at peace. I'm not a little bit worried. Frankly speaking, its either I'm immune to it or God has graciously taken it away. Theres so many things that nags at the back of my brain everyday. Be it results, music cocerto, chruch, family, friends. Slowly, i learn how to leave everything to Him because His angels keeps me going, encouraging me. I feel so blessed. I'm blessed all my life. I'm so thankful. The next step for me to take is to keep having faith and to exercise it. Its tough, but i'm gonna try. Trust me. I will. For i will remember the Word.

.ruffles off.

25.2.04

working in music concerto not only heightened my knowledge in music. but most importantly brought my faith in Him up to another notch. I'm so thankful for people that i've met in music concerto. I'm so glad we are all God's children. I'm so glad that i've got so many wonderful, faithful, lovely brothers and sisters in Christ. Thanks wai quen for that email. It really touched me. Thanks for the encouragement. I'll continue to seek Him. Thanks jason for the prayer. Yes, the Lord will shower us with abundant blessings, our work will multiply in His name with glory. Keep on shining for Christ bro. You're a living testimonial for him. :) Thanks angeline for surprising me with the wallet today. I really appreciate it. Even tho it leaves you quite broke, you bothered to buy it today. Thanks sis. And to david, thanks bro for bringing me to CHC. God unlocked the doors of my heart there that day. Thanks. And to many others out there. Thanks for showing me God's love and favour. I love you guys loads. You guys made me realised that nothing is more important God. He must have spoken thru you guys. Thanks. Most importantly, Thank You Lord, for showing me the way.

.ruffles off.

24.2.04

funny how simple things can provoke certain thoughts in people. just like jason, he watched the blind man play the keyboard for an hour, and within an hour, he said many thoughts ran through his mind. And i'm certain of it. He was rather hm.. enlightened after that. Made up his mind for a couple of things i suppose. i'm sure circumstances like this is not new to everyone. it happens to me all the time. small actions, certain gestures, certain words, certain people can start a chain of thoughts in my mind. I don't know if i'm more enlightened or whatever, or God is shining, brightening my walk. I'm more sensitive to people's feelings, more forgiving and giving and less worried about stuffs recently after the service on Sat. It kinda like changed me a little. I'm touched by how people stand by one another in times of difficulty and hardship and then look back and say they've finally made it through together.

It reminds me of the very special friendships that i have with kim, tracy and qian. Knew kim and tracy in Pri 5. It wasn't friends at first sight. Our friendship started off from a rather rough patch. But somehow or another, God made stuck us together through the years and we gradually, without knowing, went through thick and thin together. Be it problems that arose from our friendships, or problems in school, parents, emotion problems etc etc. We talked about it and God just made a way. We just opened ourselves up, trusted one another and now, we're going separate ways in our lives. Qian came into our lives when we were in sec 1. Wonderful friend. The 3 of them played a big part in my life in my secondary school days. So many memories of them. Nice ones and some thats not so nice. Thanks gals, even though we kinda like lead our own lives now. I've not forgotten you all. Thanks for all that you guys have done for me, Thanks for all the memories, Thanks for the times that we've spent together. Thanks for pampering me at times. Love you guys loads.... God Bless~!!! May God shine light into your lives too as we journey on... ;)

.ruffles off.

23.2.04

went to work as usual at 12pm, went to the bank, came back and did some bible study. its quite a boring day, tho i met quite a few people and had a few laughs. Got to know john a little more today. haha. quite a funny person. quite friendly, very different from what he is when he is with his parents. haha. actually, when i'm with my parents, i'm a totally different person. quieter, less hyper and more innocent, not so talkative. haha.

i think i should start listing out which courses i wanna take:

1) Business - Ngee Ann
2) Business - Singapore Poly
3) Early Childhood developement - Ngee Ann
4) Dunno
5) Dunno
6) Dunno

i think there are six choices right? hm.. what else should i do? computers doesn't interest me. i think i'll look through the brochures that i took from SP again, go search the web again and then decide. sigh. i hate doing this. i don't want to get into the course that doesn't interest me at all!! hope i can get into Business in Sp or Ngee ann.. or should i put Sp as my first choice???? arg.. can't decide and no one else can decide for me. like what rev ulf said, if you don't take control of your own destiny, no one else would... or something like that, can't remember the exact words. hehe. but it has the same meaning.

Sigh, have to go to work everyday for this 2 weeks coz mrs cheah is not in singapore and mr cheah has to go back at 4 to feed his chinchillas. hai. i'm looking forward to off days. haha. ok.. shall end here... tata~!!!!

.ruffles off.

22.2.04

went back to work today at 12pm. was feeling rather down coz i'm really worried about the results. hai. Andrew told me that he heard that our school didn't do well. sigh. and tt rumour came from ms song. hope she's just erm.. singing song. hai. i'm not sure if its true. sigh. aaaarggg... don't wanna think about it. STOP THINKING. sigh. I don't wanna care anymore. What's done cannot be undone. I'll stop worrying and sighing and leave everything to God. With GOd, i'm sure amazing things can be done. :)

Yup. so after work today, mr and mrs cheah treated us to dinner at mouth kitchen. they're such nice people. a sweet and cute couple. but me and angeline hates it whenever they bicker and start dragging us into it. haha. but at least they don't bear grudges against one another. they make up very quickly.

jus watched the news on tv. some people in china actually locked a couple of black bears in a cage for 9 yrs and binded their body with some metal gadets coz they wanted to get some tonics from their body. they actually dug a hole into their body and retrieved the so called 'tonics' from their body everyday. and the wound is already rotted. i can't believe they can actually do such inhumane and cruel stuffs to them. i feel so sad for the bears. and i've heard stories of how people actually trapped monkeys in cages, leaving their head stucked out of the cage. and then saw their head into half to eat fresh monkey brains. and then we have stories of how people get shark fins. they catch the sharks and saw their fins off and then throw them back into the sea, leaving them to suffer in pain and bleed to death. i'm never a supporter of eating exotic meats. i mean, as long as we get our daily nutrients from chickens, fish and ducks or whatever, theres no need to go all out and kill the rest of the animal kingdom too. i believe in eating whatever is needed. not any more than that. hai. its so depressing. STOP ANIMAL ABUSE. STOP ANIMAL CRUELTY. God made us superior to other animals to take care and share the earth with them. Not to cause their extinction!!!! arg... hai. i better stop it. i feel so sad really.

.ruffles off.

21.2.04

Woke up at 9:30am today, bathed and went to music concerto to pick up my notebook and bible. Then i went to school, met up with sarah, dan, pam, pow, cheryl and joelyn to discuss the chalet thingy. Gotten a list of my classmates number. The meeting was like back to the good-ol-days.. haha. we were having fun, laughing away... argueing as usual and we ended up deciding to call everyone up and ask if they're for the chalet first. tho not much was done, it was nice meeting up with them, i felt so at home in school with them.

After that, i met up with david at zheng hua primary. took a cab there. haha. i'm such a loser at taking bus. that's why i love taking the mrt. lolz. at least i won't get lost. hehe. so i think i'll learn driving next year when i'm of age. hope i won't lose my way around singapore. anyways, back to topic, i was listening to the zhenghua pri band play. hm.. they were good. not bad. their instructor is simon ng. this guy, he has his own orchestra, he had just published a CD recently. nice guy, cool, steady in whatever he does. probably that's why he's so successful. gave me his cd as 'jian mian li' haha.. havent listen to the CD yet.. duno how's it like. hehe. anyways, when i reach zheng hua, the kids were like so tired already coz they had to start all over again whenever they made a mistake. and mind you, they made LOTS of mistakes, always got stucked at some part.. dunno wch part oso. Then after zhenghua, we went to xingnan pri. they were good too. both school has their pro and cons. not bad. competable (is there such a word??). i like the percussion section. they're very onZ. haha. cute. i was watching is tuba guy. haha. he's damn funny. imagine him gasping for air every now and then. haha.. the way he changes his breath and haha.. funny.. cute.

Stayed there till abt 3:45pm. Then we walked to church. it was so near. and john was like so worried that i'll be late. haha.. kept calling me to ask where am i and if i wanted anyone to take me there. thanks for the invite dude. hope to see you around church in the future~! So then, we went for the service. The service started off with prayer meeting. hai. and as usual, they were praying in tongues. i'm really not used to it. the contrast between blessed sacrament and city harvest is like comparing earth to moon. one is full of fire and life, the other quiet and rather erm.. dead. no offence. yeah.. so i think i'll have to get used to it? i don't know. i don't know if i'll stay at chc. i think i'll go for a few more weeks and decide. but at least today's trip there was fruitful. i couldn't feel God for a long time. i backslided. and i'm now climbing back. God was with me all the way even tho the distance between us increased. He clang on to me and didn't give up. I could feel his blessings and love. But i didn't respond. He didn't give up. And i'm glad he didn't. He was waiting for me to open up my heart and receive him once again. I don't ever want to lock Him away ever again. I don't want to feel confuse ever again. He is my light. He shines the pathway for me. He told me to have faith. I gave it a shot. Gave everything to him. Left all my problems and worries with him and he settled it for me. Calmed me down and now i walk by faith. And i hope i will continue this way. which i think i would. coz he placed so many angles in my life to keep me going. to be by my side. Angels like tracy, kim, andrew, sarah, david, jason, angeline, wai quen, john. Thank you Jesus. I love you. I have such a blessed life now. But i'm really worried about my o level results. But what can i do? all i can do now is to ask God to calm me and comfort me. I really like the story of 'Footprints'. Yes, he carried me through my life, and is going to continue carring me. So no matter what results i'll get, i believe that as long as i give my best in everything and have faith. He'll carry me through. I'm gonna leave everything. and i'm serious. everything to him. Now, nothing else matters except God. he'll take over. Hai, i feel so blessed. Like what Rev. Ulf said, peace = unity + blance. i feel quite peaceful. Today's such a happy day. After typing so much. All i meant was that. I finally felt the holy spirit again after such a long time. It's such a lovely feeling. I feel loved.

.ruffles off.

20.2.04

Today is the 20/02/04. Hm.... blog spot is quite easy to use huh, no need to use html. But can't change the size or the colour.. Went to work today at 11pm, opened the shop with angeline coz mr cheah had to see a doc or something. They're gonna treat us for dinner this sunday. Hehe... i'm really so blessed~!! Such a wonderful place to work in. Sigh, i think i've said this upteen times, but i don't care, i'm gonna say it again. hehe... i'll miss music concerto when i leave!!!!!! hehe. i think i'm going to get flu soon.. hai. thanks to the air conditioning in MC. i think out of so many minor sickness, flu is the worst. when you're sick, you would want to rest, but with flu, you can't even sleep!!!!

My dad's boss is going to shanghai on monday already. hai. tt means my dad is gonna leave soon too. sob. And the worse thing is the results are going to be released next fri!!! arg... i'm so scared. hai.

Went for the CHC conference yesterday with david... it was great, but well, i'm not used to them praying in tongues yet. hehe. i don't know if i'll stay there... i'll go for a few more times and see if i like it. :) the pple there are really nice. felt rather welcomed. saw sylvia, felicia, andrew, pam, and a few others. miss fairfield. Going back tmr tho. hope sarah remembers to bring my shirt. haha.. ok.. gonna go zzz soon.

.ruffles off.